International Woman's Day

International woman’s day: This is a true-life story of a strong woman’s desire to be honest, open and break taboos in order to help and empower other women to live their lives and make difficult decisions knowing that they are not alone…

Seeing as its international woman’s day, I thought it would be a good time to address a massive taboo that affects approximately 1 in 4 women in the UK...

So, this year I found out some news that completely flipped my world upside down. I found out I was pregnant. Now, being at university, being in loads of student debt, not having my own house and not having a job, it’s safe to say I massively panicked when I found out. Anyone that knows me knows how much I’ve always wanted to be a mum, I absolutely adore children and I know this might sound cheesy but I really believe that was the reason I was put on this earth, to be an amazing mother.

So, as I’m sure you can understand, making the decision whether or not to keep the baby was by far the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my life. It completely and utterly consumed my life, I couldn’t stop thinking about the decision, I was even dreaming about it! I was so distracted from everything and everyone else because that would be the only thing on my mind. There would be days where I would think ‘I can do this, I’d be a great mum, all it could do is bring me happiness and is another little person to love’ and there would be other days where I’d think ‘there’s absolutely no way I can do this, it’s not fair to bring a baby up without any money and without a stable home.’

It was a constant battle between my head and my heart. I’m really lucky in the fact I had a lot of people to give me help and advice, I spoke to my boyfriend, family and closest friends who all gave me their opinions and all said the same thing, ‘We’ll support you no matter what.’ However, I soon found out that naturally people would have their own personal preference to what decision they wanted me to make. I began to feel alone and to feel like I had to think about what I was going to say in-front of people because I didn’t want to upset them or get their hopes up in any way, I felt like I had no one I could share my thoughts and feelings with completely and honestly without upsetting them in some way.

After several consultations, I decided to book a hospital appointment to have a surgical abortion. I never was and don’t think I ever will be 100% certain that that was the right decision for me to make but it’s safe to say I know I made the decision myself. Something that people don’t realise is yes the decision process is extremely difficult but the recovery process can be just as hard as well. And yes you can get help and advice off other people, get as much as you can but make sure you’re making the right choice for yourself, put yourself first, it’s your body that has to suffer physically and emotionally and your mental health it’s going to effect, so make the right decision for you. What I’m trying to say is any women who’s ever been through something like this remember you are extremely strong and should be so proud of yourself! Keep your head high and tell yourself you’re amazing every day.

I know every experience and every woman deals with the situation differently but personally for me, not a day goes past where I don’t think about it and my emotions are extremely confused because I’m grieving something I had a strong attachment to yet never met. So, if that’s the same for anyone reading this that can relate please reach out for support and talk to people, it will make it that little bit easier trust me. Always remember to be kind and love yourself.

Here are some great support services for women going through or who have been through an abortion:

Marie Stopes - 0345 300 8090

Hope House - 0300 421 6532